If I Drift Long Enough…

Ever so often I’m transformed. I’ve never been a simple guy. I don’t have simple dreams and goals. Sometimes I wish I could let myself off the hook a little bit and accept whatever life offers me. It’s both a blessing and curse that I can’t do that. If you’ve kept up with my families situation you know I’ve been “doing the best I can” for awhile now. The last thing I need are pats on the back. I don’t like being patronized – and the fact that I’m writing this means that I’m having issues of my own.

Life can throw you some crazy curveballs. You wouldn’t believe me if I revealed all of the ones I’ve faced. God’s given me alot of gifts…and so I must bear the burden of dealing with occasional troubles. God gave me a wife who is stronger than any person I’ve ever known. And I’ve know alot of strong people. I think about the insignificant things I’ve done as they relate to strength … nearly starving to death, heart problems as a teenager due to said starvation, emotional distress imposed upon myself related to goals I set, running a marathon without training for it, riding my bike 100 miles up very serious mountains having never ridden farther than 70 flat miles, my first crack at the Olympic distance triathlon being at the world championships, etc. Point is…I’m capable of some things; and I know I’ve done many of these things in my life giving only about 75% of what I could have given. Despite things I’ve done – even added together they don’t measure up to what my wife is doing now. She’s been bed ridden for 3 months now in order to protect our unborn twins. She’s away from our 4 year old daughter, Izzy, who adores her. How has Karen reacted to all of this? With a smile for anyone who enters her hospital room. She’s more concerned with the nurses feelings than her own. You might think “I could do that” or “anyone would do that.” Fact is, not everyone can do it. The nurses say that most women demand to be sent home within the first week. People are selfish … and most people are weak. I know you’re thinking “c’mon, you’re not talking about me or people I know.” Don’t be so sure. You don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re faced with the challenge. You might run for cover when the shells start flying..or you might stand and fight. You might climb the mountain or you might never try. You might lay in bed for 3 months or you might sign consent forms refusing care and release yourself from the hospital. My wife is not weak. I suppose that’s why God her to me. She’s stronger than me. It’s good that I have someone like that because my arrogance is off the charts – I recognize that. I know Karen is stronger than me because I’m losing my strength. I try to stay “nice”, but I’d be a liar if I didnt admit that I’m harboring alot of anger these days. It’s the “why Karen…again, and not someone else” anger and occasionally the “don’t patronize me – because you have no idea how hard this is” anger. So in that sense, I’m a bit weak myself. Odds are I won’t bite anyone’s head off, because another of the gifts that God gave me was a kind spirit.

This is just a public admission that I’m struggling right now. I wonder sometimes what an easy life would be like. If you have one – congratulations. Count your blessings. I’ve learned to draw strength from adversity in my life. I’ve never been through a valley that didn’t have a mountain top awaiting me later. I know the day I meet Max and Kate will be a mountain top. Say a prayer for us all. If I drift long enough I’ll be home.

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4 responses to “If I Drift Long Enough…

  1. A part of me is convinced that an “easy” life would be boring beyond belief. Please know that I am not patronizing either one of you when I tell you that the strength you both show every day is a testament to your love for each other, for Izzy and for these babies. Doing “the best you can” is all you can offer. Any more than that wouldn’t be the true Chad and wouldn’t be an honest assessment of your life in the moment.

    Yes, you are married to a fabulous woman. A wonderfully strong wife, an incredibly faithful friend and a giving and sacrificing mom… but you are also both human and are surely entitled to your fears and anxiety. Give it to God and let him guide your emotions in a productive path and know that you are so blessed by the support system around you!

    We love you all,

    Randy, Pamela, Bryce, Amanda, Bre’ Lynne and Jaxen

    1John 5:4

  2. Chad and Karen: All those people who have an “easy life” don’t love with all their heart. You and Karen were destined to meet and fall in love. I have never been as proud of you both for what you are going through and the way you are handling all of this. Izzy is a remarkable young lady and will tell you in a heart beat that she has the best Mommy and Daddy in the world. God does not give weak people struggles for he knows they can’t handle them. All we have ever wanted is for our children to be happy and I could not love you any more if you were my own. Daddies want their children to be happy but especially their little girls. Rest assured that Grandfather is just as pleased as I am that you and Karen found each other. Draw from each others strengths and also what you consider any weakness. I am convinced that together you and Karen can do anything!!! Just look at Izzy and you will see that. We love you, Karen, Izzy, Kate and Max very very much. Gramma

  3. I’m sorry life stinks at the moment, I can’t imagine being in your shoes. I admire how you are taking everything in stride. I am very impressed with your strength to handle all of this.

    You’re good example of a great husband and father! Hang in there.

  4. I still maintain that you could be the first Indian President. And don’t give me that, “I ain’t no f-in’ Indian stuff,” ’cause I know it’s in you.

    A lot of folks are pulling for y’all…

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